Untitled For Now
by Singing Yalie To Be
Summary: After Blaines death Kurt finds his journal. Goes back into his past, all the way into middle school. Trigger for Suicide.


**Untitled**

**By**

**SinginYalieToBe**

**A/N: Hi people. This is my first story. I wrote it in Creative Writing 2. I hope you all like it. Criticism is appreciated and this is un-betated.**

**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine! I wish! But it would be the Klaine show and be on HBO ;)**

February 22nd, 2026 Kurt POV

I was driving down the highway, on my way to the cemetery in Westerville, Ohio. The sky was a bright blue and the grass greener than ever. I turned the radio on hoping it would help hold back my tears. But when I heard the chorus of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" play through my speakers, I began to sob. I thought about pulling the convertible over so I wouldn't crash into one of the bright yellow hydrants, but then I saw the cemetery entrance right down the road. I pulled in and cranked the radio to drown out my sobs. Visions of a group of boys in navy blue blazers and gelled hair and a hazel-eyed leading man filled my mind.

"Why did you leave me?" I shouted. "Why Blaine?"

Once I had calmed down enough to be able to walk and not trip over my own feet, I exited the car and walked up to the grave. The gravestone was white marble and stood out among its shabby grey neighbors. Inscribed on it was:

"Blaine Anderson-Hummel

February 5th, 1995 – January 17th, 2020

Loving Husband

My Teenage Dream."

I placed the bouquet of pink daisies on the grass in front of the gravestone.

"Happy 10th Anniversary Blaine." I whispered.

I lay down, almost cuddling the cold stone and cried as the wind caresses my cheek almost as if Blaine was really with me.

"Oh Blaine… I just don't understand why you left me. You promised you'd talk to me, never leave me. I love you so much. I miss you. We all miss you."

Flashback to January 17th, 2025 "Blaine!" I hollered. "Blaine! I'm home from work. Where are you?"

_ The silence frightened me; it was the exact same silence every time I found him lying on our bed with a gun in his hands and staring at the ceiling, eyes blank. I ran up the stairs to find our bedroom door closed and locked. I began to pound on the door tears welling in my eyes. I pressed an ear to the wooden door and heard a sudden click._

_ "Kurt, I'm so sorry. I love you" Blaine whispered._

_ BANG!_

_ I slid down the door sobbing. This just couldn't be possible. Not my Blaine, not my husband. Oh God what would I tell everyone? I walked downstairs feeling empty and called the police and told them what had just happened. The whole day was a blur after that, a blur of voices and bright colours. My father held me in his arms as I sobbed breathlessly when they wheeled Blaine's body out the front door._

I waited until everyone had left to go upstairs to our room. It was marked off with crime scene tape but that didn't faze me. It smelled like copper and gunpowder and there was red all over the ceiling and wall. Lying on the bed was a royal blue leather bound book that I knew was Blaine's journal. I always promised him I would never read it, but now I felt I had to. I needed answers. I picked up the book; warmth radiated from it into my hand as if he had just touched it. My hands began to shake as I opened it.

(September 10th, 2008)

Dear Journal,

Why won't they just stop? It isn't my fault that I'm gay. Why do they hate me so much? I've done nothing to them! I don't deserve to be hit and kicked and taunted. I'm not sure I can handle all of this without going off the deep end.

(June 11th, 2009)

Dear Journal,

They threw me down the stairs! Now I'm in the hospital. I have a broken arm, a broken leg, 2 broken ribs and a concussion. Not to mention the cuts and bruises. I woke up and all I could see was bright white. My parents told me that to keep me safe I would be transferring to Dalton Academy, an all boys private school with a strict no bullying policy. I hope this will be better…

_That part didn't surprise me. Blaine had told me all about his past. How much he was bullied and how much it had escalated. Dalton was his safe home. He had his friends and eventually me. Dalton was the best thing that happened to either of us._

(November 2nd, 2009)

Dear Journal,

Dalton is amazing! Everyone is so kind and accepting. I made some new friends named Wes and David they convinced me to join the Warblers, which is a singing group, completely acapella. I think life will be better here. Even with the uniform ;)

_He was happy here. Dalton was his home and the Warblers were his family since he never really got along with his parents. Hell they didn't even come to our wedding. Blaine was at Dalton 2 years before me. He healed, helped me heal when I arrived, helped me forget all of the jeers and locker slams._

(September 6th, 2011)

Dear Journal,

Wow, I haven't written in almost 3 years. Life has been good. Straight A's and lead singer of the Warblers. Oh yeah! I met a new kid today. His name is Kurt Hummel. He is adorable. He had these eyes that are impossible to describe. He is funny and sarcastic, loves fashion too. And his voice is stunning. He came to the auditorium to audition for the Warblers but was a bit late so he interrupted us right in the middle of "Teenage Dream." He was just so cute that I stopped singing (kind of stupid since I was lead.) He had the cutest blush on his face. He auditioned with "Defying Gravity" from _Wicked_ and we were all blown away. I think I'm in love.

_I remember that day. I was so embarrassed to have interrupted them but then he smiled and it all seemed OK as cheesy as that sounds. I was so nervous to sing because I had always gotten teased for how high my voice is. But they looked shocked in a good way when I sang. And I got in. I was so surprised. Dalton was the best years of my life it seemed back then._

(January 12th, 2012)

Dear Journal,

You know that boy Kurt I've been telling you about? I was so insanely scared that if I asked him out he would say no. But I plucked up the courage and asked him. AND HE SAID YES! And he looked so happy. I brought him to this place called Breadstix in Lima. It wasn't that good but he seemed to enjoy it. I loved talking to him. We talked about everything from our families to our aspirations in life. We shared a big bowl of spaghetti, which looked like noodles mixed with paint, but I rolled the meatball to him with my nose and it made it all worthwhile. And at the end while we strolled through the park he kissed me, just a peck but still. I think I'm in love.

_I was so happy when he asked me out. I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day, the same as Blaine. Yes, dinner tasted terrible but the second he pushed that meatball to me with his nose I just knew I could love that boy. And when I kissed him it was fireworks and I was definitely right that I would love him…_

(November 10, 2012)

Dear Journal,

Oh my gosh! I think I'm dreaming. I just cannot believe it. Kurt and I were cuddling in his bed at his house, kissing lazily when I just blurted it out.

I told Kurt I love him.

And he said it back!

Oh I have never been this happy before in my life. I cannot stop smiling. I think I might marry this man one day. We'll have a quaint apartment in New York and maybe a pet. Like a bird or cat. And we could adopt a kid or pay a surrogate. I can just picture her. A little girl with chestnut brown hair and glasz eyes just like Kurt.

Perfect.

_I love Blaine so much. Or is it loved? Even with his suicide I still love him. I wasn't lying that day. Sure we were 17 but we knew we were in love, the forever kind of love. That night I planned out wedding in a secret scrapbook._

(December 14th, 2015)

Dear Journal,

I planned it out perfectly. Kurt and I were on break, me from NYU and Kurt from Parsons. Since both of our families live in Ohio that's where we went. We were having a "Welcome Back" party with the Anderson- Hummel's (our family nickname) when I pretended to drop my fork. When I tapped on Kurt's knee and he looked down I was on one knee with a ring box in my hand. I had a whole speech prepared but he jumped in my arms screaming yes before I could say it. But that didn't matter because he said yes! I, Blaine Anderson am marrying Kurt Hummel!

_I looked like such a fool. My father has video taped it and Blaine made us watch it every chance he got. I remember seeing the ring and I had no doubt in my mind what my answer was so I didn't waste time in saying it. I told him I wanted to get married as soon as possible and he agreed._

(February 22nd, 2016)

Dear Journal,

I am so nervous. It's my wedding day today. Our wedding day. I'm marrying Kurt today. Now we will be known as Mr. And Mr. Anderson-Hummel. We could adopt a kid or get a surrogate! A house! A pet! We have the rest of our lives to look forward to. I want to go to my grave loving this man and holding his hand. Sharing kisses and love for the rest of eternity. I think those may be my vows :) Got to go get married now! Wish me luck!

_I cried when he read that to me the first time…and every time after that. We fumbled over words and laughed about it. But it was perfect because it was Blaine and I. It was amazing and pure and happy. I never regretted a second of it. Not even letting him wear a bowtie or my dad filming it. Yet another video we watched frequently._

(August 17th, 2020)

Dear Journal,

This is the last time I will be writing in you. I know you're an inanimate object but you were my best friend for the longest time. And I am so thankful that I had you but now it's time for me to leave this world. I'm not sad or upset or angry. I just have this feeling like I am done. It's over for me. I have never regretted any of my life. My only regret is that my death will upset Kurt. I hope he forgives me. I hope everyone can forgive me. Goodbye for the last time…

(August 17th, 2020)

Dear Kurt,

Never think I did this because of you. I love you so fucking much Kurt. You are beautiful and smart. I never wanted to hurt you… You were my world, my life. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for every time I made you cry. And I know you are crying right now. I know what I did is unforgivable but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you. I really can't explain to you why I'm doing this. It's not something anyone can explain. Its just time…fate if you will. One day you might understand, if you get pushed to that edge. Promise me Kurt. Promise me that you will move on. Don't let me hold you back. You will love again. And I hope we will meet again in another life.

Love you forever Kurt…

Your loving husband,

Blaine Anderson-Hummel

"_I love you Blaine," I whispered as I ran my fingers over his signature, "But I can't forgive you, not yet at least. And I can't keep that promise. You were my one and only. I will miss you so much."_

I threw the journal in a drawer and walked away, looking back that was the only thing I have ever regretted.

"Oh Blaine. I forgive you now," I sighed, "Guess what. I kept that promise. I started dating and I met this man named Lucas. He makes me happy Blaine. Is that wrong?"

I leaned against the marble stone and ran my fingers along the inscription of his name.

"He has a daughter. Her name is Alexis," Tears began to slide down my face, "She looks like you somehow. Curly, brown hair, hazel eyes and short as can be. Remember how we always wanted a little girl? I think I'm ready to move on now. I'll never forget you or stop loving you Blaine. But it's time to say goodbye."

I kissed his name one last time, got up and drove away for the last time.

** Blaine looked down on Kurt. He looked like himself, but older. Smile and frown lines that Kurt would never admit to having had appeared on his face. He looked happy for the first time since Blaine's death.**

** Blaine watched over Kurt for the rest of his life. He watched him play with Alexis, marry Lucas, cry at his father's funeral and have a successful fashion line while loving life everyday. And when it was finally time for Kurt to leave his world Blaine was there to greet him with open arms.**

** "Don't listen to what they say. You get to come in too."**

** Blaine treated Lucas as an old friend and after many years when Alexis came, Blaine loved her as a daughter too. No on discussed Blaine's suicide or the strange relationship between the three men, but they were happy and that was all that matter. Blaine was right. It was fate. Simply fate.**


End file.
